Dreams of a Life
by sheraiah
Summary: She was different from the others, she had always know that. In Valinor, elves were supposed to be content and at peace, yet she longed relentlessly for something she could not name. A companion piece to 'What Comfort You May Find'. Read that one first or


Disclaimer: Only the OCs are mine, the rest belongs to the Tolkien estate.

She had always known that she was different. In a land where most felt only contentment and peace, she longed for something she could not name, even from her earliest recollections. She had flashes of insight, things she could not have known, should not have known, memories that belonged to someone older and from another land. Asking her Naneth and Adar was useless. They always told her that she would understand in time, but time never came and she was always left with more questions.

She walked alone more often than not, other ellith her age did not understand. She preferred the company of the trees. They might not have any answers for her, but they at least listened. Her strange insight remembered other trees, different from the ones who were her friends. Some of those trees were bright and magnificent, and some were dark and twisted. Her insight always stopped short of telling her the rest of the puzzle. Maddening, it was.

She also dreamed. Not the lovely dreams that were the norm among her kind, but vivid dreams that she had no control over. Often they were of an ellon, the most beautiful ellon she had ever seen. He was tall, and fair like her, but with eyes as grey as a stormy sea and a fierce expression that only softened when he looked at her. She always felt that she should know him, know his name, but it was ever just beyond her reach and she woke before it could come to her.

She sometimes dreamed of an elfling. He was small, only a baby, but he smiled and cooed at her, chuckling when she lifted him into her arms. She played with him often, and always woke from her dreams of him with tears on her face.

The dreams became more and more vivid the closer she came to her majority. At times she caught her parents looking at her strangely, but they would never offer an explanation and she withdrew even further into herself. Even the planned celebration failed to draw her out of her shell. She endured it, maintaining a polite façade throughout. When the last guest finally left, she fled to her trees.

"I am mad," she said to the oak she was perched in. "I know I should not be, that elves do not go mad, not here, but I am. There is no other explanation." She buried her face in her arms. The tree rustled sympathetically, its leaves brushing against her lightly. A musical chuckle interrupted her dark mood.

"You are no more mad than I, child." A stately, silver-haired elleth stood at the foot of the tree. "May I join you?"

"Yes, of course, my lady." The younger elleth scrambled to make room on her branch as the elder elleth climbed up with surprising ease.

"It always amazes me that they never tell the ones in your situation anything. Honestly, can they not see that it causes more problems than it solves?" The older elleth shook her head, an impatient expression on her face.

"My situation? I am afraid I do not understand, Lady Celebrian." The younger elleth was truly puzzled and became more so when the lady fixed her with a stern look.

"Valilis, if you 'my lady' me one more time I shall push you off this branch. You always called me by name before." The stern look deepened into one of genuine annoyance.

"Before what, my… I mean, Celebrian?" To Valilis' continued puzzlement, the older elleth smiled brilliantly at her.

"Before I sailed and you died, of course," Celebrian replied in a matter of fact tone. Valilis' mouth dropped open, and she swayed, nearly falling off the branch. Her companion steadied her without further comment. Her mouth opened and closed several times, making her look remarkably like a trout, before she regained enough of the power of speech to respond to the revelation.

"I am one of the re-housed ones?"

"Yes, and you should have been told from the first. You had a rather traumatic passing. I shudder to think what might have happened had you remembered it when you were alone." The annoyed expression was back, but not directed at Valilis.

"I had a child. I dream about him, and I always wake weeping," the younger elleth said in a hushed voice.

"Yes, you did. That was after I left, I am afraid. I cannot tell you of him. There are some who can, if they will." Celebrian's hand enfolded Valilis' in a gesture of comfort.

"He was a babe still when it happened, was he not? I never see him as older than that. He must be long past his majority now."

"Yes, though he is young still. He is a bit over five hundred." The older elleth watched her companion's face carefully. A wry smile bloomed there.

"Odd to think that I have just reached majority while my child is several times older. It is difficult to comprehend." Her eyes sought the horizon. "I see my husband, too. He is so beautiful, but stern and solemn, until he looks at me and then he smiles and I am lost and found all at once."

"It was ever thus with the two of you. All of Arda disappeared when you were with each other. You were very good for him. He had seen so much pain and death before he found you. I believe that you and your child healed something in him that he was unaware was wounded." A faint smile graced the lady's face. Valilis smiled in return, and then frowned at a sudden thought.

"And then I wounded him when I left him alone again, this time with a child to raise." Tears formed and spilled down her cheeks. Tenderly, Celebrian enfolded the stricken elleth in her arms, drying her tears with the hem of her sleeve.

"There now, child! None of what happened was your choice or your fault. I tend to believe that you left him far stronger than you found him, and that had he not had you some evil would have befallen him. In any case, we can only fulfill the destiny we are set to. His destiny was to stay and raise your son to meet his own destiny. From what I have heard, he did quite a good job of it." She shook herself. "But, I did not come here to prompt you into remembering all at once. That would not be good at all. What I have come to tell you is that you should not be alone again until you have remembered all of it. Choose someone that you trust and ask them to stay with you."

"Will you stay with me, then? I do not think my parents would be a good choice. They seem uncomfortable with the entire thing. It makes me wonder now why they agreed to give birth to me a second time."

"Do not judge them too harshly, pen neth. They love you and were devastated at your passing. The decision to bear you again was one they gladly made. They simply fear for you once you start remembering in earnest." A hint of mischief gleamed in Celebrian's eyes. "They also did not always agree with your choices." Valilis giggled.

"Oh, you look just like your sons when you do that!" Valilis exclaimed, gasping in shock a moment later when she realized what she had said. Celebrian merely chuckled.

"So Elrond has often told me. 'Tis to the good that he did not know me as a child. My sons come by their high spirits quite naturally, I am afraid. Of course, he tries to deny that he ever behaved so but I have spoken with Cirdan and so I know better." The mischief fairly danced in her silver eyes. "It is at Elrond's bidding that I sought you out this day. He did not say so, but I believe he must have seen something."

"I am glad of it. I feel as if a weight has been lifted from me. Oh, I know it will be hard for me to remember," Valilis hastened to assure her companion, "But now at least I have an explanation as to why I have always felt so very different. I can bear the rest of it."

"And I shall help you in any way that I may," the silver haired lady replied with a gentle smile. "Time moves far more quickly for those still in Arda than it does for us. You will not have long to wait now before your family is once again complete."

"Will I remember before they arrive?"

"I should think so. You have some time yet before we see them." Celebrian began to climb down from her perch. "Come, there are some things we must see to, one of which is speaking with your parents. Although, if I am correct, Elrond and my Naneth have likely taken that action for us."

Arm in arm, the two old and new friends walked toward the home that Valilis shared with her Naneth and Adar.

Elvish terms

Elleth-female elf

Ellon-male elf

Naneth-mother

Adar-father

Pen neth-young one


End file.
